Don't you know

that the more you cry,

the more miserable

you will be?

So,

stop crying

all of the time.

Today:

+ work sucked some SERIOUS DICK
+ I took SO MANY pills

Meat'n'Cheeze ftw. 

Congratulations~

I really wish I hadn't forgotten how to be an artist.  I miss it so much.  Don't get me wrong, I'm still artistic in many ways, but I never draw or sketch anymore.  I've commented so many times that I'm going to get back into it and I never do.  And it's no one's fault but mine.

I wonder what will happen.

Some things:

I was worthless at work today, for a nice change.

Dissidia is so boss that I can't even begin to fathom its ethereal existence.

I am not going to AWA this year.

This actually started yesterday. 

Yesterday, all I ate all day was toast [4 ea] and some ice cream.  After work, I dropped some things off to my mother at her job, where she RANDOMLY asked me who comprised my list of boyfriend candidates and asked me if I wanted a boyfriend and asked me if I was tired of being single yet.  Why did you ask me that, Mom?  Why do you "just feel" like it's my "time."

I went to sleep as soon as I got home [18:30 or thereabouts].

I regained consciousness almost precisely twelve hours later and made my way over to mother's place to take my dogs for a walk clean up DOG SHIT at 7:00 [All Neena's fault, mind you. Der schnauzer was wholly uninvolved].  That took forever.

I returned home to shower and shave for the first time in my life with a non-electric razor.  I can now officially shave like a grown woman [I purchased the most expensive razor I could find, however, to eliminate ALL possibilities of cutting myself]. 

I styled my hair differently today--put a lot of curls in it, but not the fun ringlets I do sometimes.  Hair took forever.  Couldn't find my tweezers to do my eyebrows so I went to Walgreens for what is so far the third time today to buy some new tweeezrs and ended up spending $88.95 on makeup [+ tweezers].

Now, at 15:30, I am sitting down to my first food of the day.  Newman's Own Organic Pretzel Sticks and sharp ched-r chaz.

I have a million things I should be doing today, but, though I'm bored, I am not motivated to do a single thing.

I hope I will not let my entire day go to waste.

RinRin needs to:

[+] Finish cleaning
[+] Work on things she's put a lot of time and effort and money into preparing for
[+] Learn how to save money
[+] Learn to like the language in which she's majoring a bit more
[-] Stop being grumpy
[-] Stop being depressed

I woke up today in a lovely way.

I awoke to the sound of the rain next to someone nice.

Even though the rest of my day was not wonderful and I had/have aches all over my body, I keep thinking about my morning, and I can't help but smile.

I'm really not enjoying waiting for my money. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm very thankful that I'm getting it, but I really like to receive things when I'm told that I will. But then, I suppose it's to be expected. I don't know if I've ever received my refund on the day that UAH said they'd disburse it. I really need to be more patient...as difficult as that is when other people are asking me for money. >.>

So today could be classified as both fun and failing. Actually, it started with Wednesday night. After work, Grimmy planned to stay at my house, work on some stuff, and then wake up early so that we could get some serious-business cleaning done. Not sure exactly where, but at some point, that plan got veto-d. Since I couldn't decide what I wanted to eat [aside from potatoes, as my father went out and bought another 10 lbs bag of potatoes a week after I bought one], I settled for making everything I could find. I ended up making diced baked potatoes w/shroomies, seasoned baked corn, baked breaded flounder, and veggie + shrimp stirfry. I suppose that Klara can just sense whenever I cook a big meal, because she decided to come over right before dinner was ready. The plan was to watch Antique Bakery [K-Movie] while eating, but some things interrupted that.

SOMEHOW, after dinner, we decided that a cozy slumberparty in the middle of my living room was the best plan for the rest of the night, so we got the stuffed animals, geared up, and finished Antique Bakery as we fell asleep.

In the morning Grimmy got up and made us a delicious, although somewhat burnty, breakfast, and we rearranged our sleepy setup for Breakfast With Persona 3 Formation.

( [+] )This is pretty much how we spent our day from 12:30 pm until 4:00 or 5:00 pm, and this is where things begin to go downhill. Though I was attempting to craft off and on, for the most part, I didn't do anything all day. This wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't actually planned to do things with my day. The day was fun because no one had any obligations, but I always get very depressed and irritated whenever a day includes absolutely no achievements or milestones.

I'll get over it. Tomorrow is another day and another opportunity. Also another day I have to spend at Best Buy, which I'm dreading D:<


Also, I'm still working on getting together all of the pictures from Jordan's Trannyparty, but I should have them up soon.

Heading to work now, from 8:45 am until 7:30 pm.  Gonna try to leave before then, because that's just too long to be at Best Buy.  I have to drive to Madison on my lunch break to take care of my dogs, so I spose I'll just eat a pb&j on the way.

Gonna come home and get trannied up for Jordan's party.

Have a PersaCon meeting tomorrow, but hopefully I'll be able to squeeze some cleaning time in tomorrow around various other things I have to do.  Speaking of....someone wanted me for something on Sunday, and I can't remember why.

Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

Once again, I'm going to try to make some changes.  I say that a lot, but oh well.

I'm going to try to post more and try to take/post pictures.  Not so much because I want to be seen or that I need to show off things, but I was just thinking the other day about things that I like to see when I scroll through my friends page.  One of my favourite types of blogs to look at is a kind where the poster includes a lot of pictures.  Not necessarily a photobook for each entry, but just one, maybe two pictures per post.  It just makes it more interesting.  Even if it has nothing to do with what they're posting.  Since I like to see that, why shouldn't I try to do it myself?

If you've played Persona 4,

[LOOK AT THIS NOW]

Dear God, or To Whom it May Concern:

Please stop throwing this stressful shit at me.

Thanks.


Sincerely,

That one kid

To No One, about Something, that may or may not have happened:

For how long must people ridicule and demean and try relentlessly to humiliate others before they are satisfied?  Are you doing this to make yourself feel better?  Is there something that you've done that you think is wrong, so you want to emphasize someone else's vices?  Do you know that we all have demons, but you think that theirs are worse than yours?

I believe that I may be disgusted.  Why is this funny?  Why is this amusing?  To hate someone for something that technically has nothing to do with you?  Maybe it was a fun joke at first, sprung from pain, when there was more direct involvement, but hasn't this gone far enough? 

I wonder...if we've actually lost sight of the reality of the situation.

There are millions of different types of people in the world.  There are the kind that steal, the kind that kill, the kind that administer love and care unconditionally.  There are the kind of people that choose to express themselves openly.  There are the kind that act without regard to the possible consequences or responses of others.  There are the kind of people that take delight in saying terrible things about others.

There is the man that walks naked along the street.  But there is also the gang that follows behind, persistently condemning him.  For every step, another curse.  I do not understand why.

Will your cursing stop his stride?

And if it does...? 

Is he even walking toward you?  What if he hears you?  Maybe he will turn around and walk right through the mass, straight to the other side.

Even if this is what this man is doing, is it your responsibility to bring attention to it?

I wonder...when it became an act in one's own best interest to try to hurt others.

I wonder...how much better it actually makes you--taking delight in this hateful behaviour.

Wait a moment.

What about your own demons?  What about the things that you have done?  What about all the things about which only a privileged few know?  What about the things that you've kept completely to yourself?  If no one's talking about it, does that make it alright?  Does a lack of circulation erase a questionable event from the past?  I doubt it.

I think that if you are cursing and condemning, you must be either a god or a demon.  I can't say that I know many gods.  So what is leftover?

It is possible that people will have something to say about me because of what I have to say.  That is alright.

I would like to point out that I'm not saying this to directly reprimand anyone.  I've simply been thinking some things over.

When I was younger, I was so much more crude.  I was quite brash and obnoxious.  Being offensive was more like being trendy.  But I've grown out of much of that.  Hateful and angry music, needless violence, foul name-calling--these are all things that no longer amuse me.  I have passed through many things in life that have caused me to be so much more compassionate and caring.  I cry so much easier now.  But I'm fine with that.  I'd rather cry at something that is the slightest bit touching than go unfazed by an act of true goodness. 

These days, I'm much more sensitive to actions that hurt others.  Everyone makes mistakes, but there is a certain point at which the acknowledgement of these becomes classified as intentional cruelties.

There is a certain point at which it makes me uncomfortable.

There is a certain point at which I feel that things have just gone too far.


Sincerely,

Someone


P.S. -- Couldn't Anyone ponder the same things?

I have a strange feeling, and I don't know how to describe it or what to do with it.

It is sometimes very happy and sometimes lonely.

It is sometimes mild and sometimes very difficult to ignore.

My friends fortune from a cookie a few days ago said "A good time to start something new."

And a bug just now landed in my glass of milk.

It won't leave, so I guess I will.

Today was very fun, even though God did not want me to eat or drink today.

I was very terrible.

I am very tired.

Today is

- Doctor's Appointment [already happened @ 9:15 am]
- Meet Mother
- Go to work
- Work on Persacon
- Work on Baby Shower
- Clean House
- Clean Self
- Find time to go back to the doctor?

Today was fun, but really tiring.

I got to see a lot of people that I adore and really love being around.

Zachary Quinto was fucking HOT as Spock.

Having a fun time with Michael and Michelle while they're in town.

Scary momo faces:



( Happy gals. )

( Being cute, so tiresome. )

( I picked his nose. )

More later.